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Book Review: Crump by P.J. Vanston

November 17, 2010 By Peter Jolly

Wandering through the grounds of the Old Naval College it is easy to see that the university has brought many good things, including refurbishment of buildings and a pretty good stationery shop and, indeed, the freedom to wander through the grounds.  P.J. Vanston’s book Crump, set in a ‘fictional’ university firmly located in the heart of Greenwich, looks behind the facade into the workings of a new university; to say that he doesn’t like what he sees is putting it mildly.  The contrast between the dreaming domes of Wren’s buildings and the standard of education within is at the heart of this acerbic comic novel.  I confess I haven’t spent much time thinking about what happens inside the Naval College since its transformation to a university, and this book has set my mind wondering.

The onomatopoeically named Crump, a lecturer in English, arrives in Greenwich with hope in his heart, a spring in his step and filled with a desire to educate.  He is quickly cast adrift in the stormy world of burkas, multiculturalism and gender-neutral linguistics and soon his spirit is crumpled by the weight of education-speak and political correctness.   Whatever else the book is it is thought provoking, holding many sacred cows of political correctness up for ridicule in what should be compulsory reading for the Daily Mail book club – if such a thing exists.  There are uncomfortable passages when Vanstone challenges the reader’s own political correctness; there is no doubt that the book can be quite outspoken in confronting issues of race, gender and sexuality.

Crump is very readable, events come thick and fast, assaulting and mugging both Crump and the reader.  This means that the author leaves us little time to digest events before we’re into the next outrageous catalogue of catastrophes.  A moment for us to catch breath would have been helpful, perhaps allowing descriptions of characters to be more fully viewed through Vanstone’s comic eye.    There is much common sense in the pages of this book, but there is little to distinguish between the author’s voice and Crump’s voice, making passages of the book a barely concealed manifesto against university education as we know it today.  The book is not wholly negative though, praising as it does aspiration and academic learning, but is does yearn for the days before admission fees and courses of dubious progeny.  This certainly strikes a chord, and many readers working in university education will identify more strongly with the political thrust and main character than I did.

The references to Greenwich are very specific, with glowing descriptions of the park and the Cutty Sark.  The pubs get short shrift and Vanstone’s characters don’t explore Greenwich much beyond the town centre – Crump might have been more chilled had he found The Union, or if he had been able to look out of his office window towards The Old Brewery.  The inner workings of the university were illuminated a little when I went on the tour of the library, or ‘learning zone’, on Open House weekend and Vanstone has certainly captured the impersonal utilitarian atmosphere that I detected.  The use of Greenwich as a backdrop for the book is effective and lingers in the imagination; although not nearly in the same class as Conrad and Ackroyd, you should think of adding Crump to the your literary Greenwich reading list.

Filed Under: Magazine Tagged With: Book Review, Review

Saturday Night at Greenwich Comedy Festival

September 13, 2010 By Ed Ewing

“I like women comedians better – I think they have to work harder,” said my plus-one. And so it proved at the Greenwich Comedy Festival, at least on Saturday night.  Held in the grounds of the Old Royal Naval College the event is in its second year, although “much, much bigger,” according to the organisers.

Last year only saw one tent and one bar. This year there was a Spiegel Tent, a 1,200-seat Big Top, a cabaret lounge and a handful of places to buy upscale burgers and chips or posh pies (everything £5, more or less). Beer was £3.80.

Notably, the event really did have a festival vibe. It felt friendly and fun, like a mini Edinburgh Festival. And it was busy – the tents were packed and the queues for the Spiegel Tent snaked through the trees. Time was festival-flexible too – Shappi Khorsandi, the British-Iranian comic started almost an hour late, but no one seemed to mind.

Inside, Shappi swore she’d only planned a 20-minute set, not the hour we’d paid for (£15 – festival prices). She was always like that, she said, one reason why her husband and she were getting a divorce; he was a neat freak. That set the tone, because despite the previous week’s rolling-news coverage of Koran-burning threats, she largely stayed away from many of the topics – Iran, Islam, the burqa etc – that made her name.

She could have gone there if she wanted to, you felt, but the one mention of the Koran-burners sent such an obvious chill through the audience that who knows how she would have got out of it. Anyway, she said, she’d been too absorbed getting a divorce, and having a child, to pay attention to politics for at least a year. All, that is, except one funny foray into the world of Andrew Neil, Kirsty from Location, Location, Location, and the infamous ‘BBC barge’ party on the Thames on election night in May. All libellous, I’m sure, so not for repetition here, but suffice to say Kirsty came off worst. It was good to see, and she had the audience in her palm for the full hour.


Inside the Big Top

Afterwards, we flooded out of the Spiegel Tent and into the Big Top to catch Jenny Éclair’s set. She is well known from TV, although I hadn’t seen her live. It makes such a difference – she works hard, has brilliant, original material, and brought the house down with her stories of life as a menopausal mother of adult-teenagers.

By chance, sitting next to me was the woman from Greenwich Council who’d come to check the festival’s health and safety. She was all praise for the organisers, and rightly so – they’d done a good job.

Next came Stewart Lee, whose set failed to match Jenny Éclair’s, or indeed Rufus Hound Daniel Kitson, the night’s compere. Never mind, half of us got him, the rest were too chilled to worry.

All up a great night, and by all reports a good festival (it was a week long). The only fear is word gets out and next year it’s bigger, more expensive and loses the magic. But Saturday evening, it managed it to a T.

Filed Under: Magazine Tagged With: Review

Film Review: The Cost of Love

April 22, 2010 By James English

The Cost of Love (cert. 18) is a new feature film that was filmed almost exclusively in Greenwich and features a very local cast and crew.  I joined much of that cast and crew last week for a special screening before its premier next Monday at the Greenwich Picture House.

Greenwich based male prostitute Dale (Christopher Kelham) has all sorts of clients. Dale sees them all, from voyeuristic guys into school uniforms, to an older gentleman into scrubbing the bathroom floor for ‘Sir’ (stylish Greenwich guesthouse owner Robert Gray of ‘The Hotel Inspector’ fame).

Dale loves his job, proclaiming: “I like sex, and lots of it”, however you question this as sometimes he delves deep into his imagination, suggesting that he might not love his job so much after all. Aside from this he also has a normal life as best friend and confidante to Raj (Valmike Rampersad). Raj is confused about his up and coming marriage to ‘boring’ Veena (Mandeesh Gill), shown in some beautiful sun-drenched riverside scenes.

It is quite clear that perfectionist cinematographer Amarjeet Singh has spent hours working on this fine film to make it look the way it does.

The costume and makeup department must also be mentioned, as Michael Joyce a.k.a Estée Applauder as ‘Sean’ looks absolutely fabulous. Michael regularly appeared in drag at local pubs but was tragically killed in November 2009, which is possibly the most moving aspect of the film, since his performance is hilarious. Sean’s best scene is sat at dinner with Dale, Raj and Veena, where he has gone all Indian in his dress and comes out with some of the best quips in the film.

The theme of this film has been portrayed in a fantastically funny way encompassing a multitude of fantasies that most of us never admit we have. Aside from the humour, there is a serious theme which upholds the film, ‘the cost of love’. It cuts across each of the characters’ stories, making the viewer think about fate and sacrifices that we all make in order to be true to ourselves.

Shot on location in Greenwich, director Carl Medland shows life in this part of South East London extremely well, with glimpses of Creek Road and pubs The George and Dragon and The Rose and Crown. In Sean’s drag act he mentions the “177 bus from Peckham to Thamesmead” which only a South East Londoner would have a chuckle at. The Greenwich Drag Race is also shown; as Sean shows his latest flamboyant outfit off to the crowds whilst Dale films on a handheld camera.

This film’s trailer does not do the film justice. When I watched it, I thought it was going to be a cheesy, wall-to-wall sex, ‘gay’ film. There is a fair amount of sex in it, which I think would be missed if it weren’t there, but there is more depth to the film than that. It shows some of life’s problems, whether it’s that dreaded trip to the sexual health clinic, or the memory of an abusive family member, there’s something that most can relate to. I felt that, occasionally, some of the characters’ problems were sprung upon the viewer without sufficient development, but aside from that, they were excellently acted out.

In his first full length movie, Carl Medland has skillfully created a film which successfully speaks to a gay or straight audience, and leaves the viewer feeling both emotional and upbeat by the end of it.

The Cost of Love (cert. 18) will have screenings at The East London Film Festival; Greenwich Picturehouse; and The End of the Pier International Film Festival. More details can be found at www.thecostoflove.com.

Filed Under: Magazine Tagged With: LGBT, Review

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